Turn blame around into responsibility and create actions you can do to positively influence your situation.
To should or have-to means to force, limit, dissociate from or blame yourself or others. Instead of shoulds or have-to’s, reframe your assumptions to create wants or choices. To want or choose means to own it. Own it.
Be aware of role models – including heroes, parents, mentors, partners, friends and terrorists – who have shaped your past. Just because your first boss acted treated you unfairly doesn’t mean that you have to become the boss and treat others unfairly. Victims are violent.
Double-check your assumptions about what you “must” have.
Play allows you to experiment with new ways of being, new assumptions, and see what actions lead to what consequences. Choose something you want to do, where you can succeed or fail, something you want to do “just because,” even if nothing happens because of it. Then do it.